Hey kids, it's time for you meet the Greek Gods! Long before there were superheroes there were these guys and gals. In fact, the Greek Gods are where superheroes came from. We'd have no Batman without Zeus. Superman never would've happened without Hades. We never would've gotten to enjoy Iron Man without Poseidon. Each God has special powers, backstories, and adversity they must overcome. I think Greek Mythology is absolutely fascinating and if you ever want to take a fun class in college I recommend it. Ever since I was a kid I was a fan, so you cam imagine how much I watched the original 1981 Clash of the Titans. Sure it was campy and silly but it had some top-notch actors and special effects that blew people's minds back then. Fast forward to 2010 and how the studios try to not only recapture the box office magic that 300 created in early spring a few years ago but also relaunch the franchise of Greek Mythology. Who knows, maybe if the movie catches on we can see spin-offs of the Gods like they do with Superhero movies now. The problem is that this isn't good enough to achieve any of that. Let's start with the fact that it's been touted as a 3D movie; it's not. Clash of the Titans was never shot in 3D, but when they saw how 3D is the new Gold Rush and how it helped Avatar reach a new galaxy of greenbacks, they delayed Titans from opening and went through in post-production and gave it a tawdry 3D conversion. They failed with that and failed miserably. The faux 3D is so deplorable that it gave me a migraine and distorted the picture. Everything that movies like Avatar, How to Train Your Dragon and A Christmas Carol did for 3D, Clash of the Titans stands to undo and make people think it's not worth the extra money again. If you insist on seeing Clash of the Titans after reading this, make sure you see it in plain, old fashioned 2D. You will enjoy it more. They also casted Hollywood's new golden boy, Sam Worthington (Avatar, Terminator: Salvation) in this as Prometheus. Why Hollywood is so in love with this guy is beyond me. He wanders through the incredible story of Prometheus and his battle with the Gods (not the Titans so the title never made sense) in such a lazy way that it never once helps you feel that he's in any peril (or from Greece with that accent). Because he's been in blockbuster after blockbuster, Worthington is here to stay but for the love of Zeus, I have no idea why. There is a rumor I heard from friends of mine that work in film that this is being called "Trash of the Titans" in Hollywood. It's not quite that bad. The action sequences are pretty good but not a big enough payoff to sit through the terrible acting and clunky dialogue that goes on for too long in between. That even includes veterans like Liam Neeson (Taken, Batman Begins) and Ralph Fiennes (Harry Potter series, Schindler's List) who try their hardest to make their scenes work. And even though director Louis Leterrier did such a good job with Edward Norton's The Incredible Hulk, this falls flat. I still can't fully hate on it though because it's about the Greek Gods. It's exciting to me to see Medusa and Acrisius fighting our heroes. I hope that if anything comes from this, it's that more movies about the Greek Gods should be made...just made right.
Clash of the Titans (Rated PG-13)
Gavin Grade: C-