Today I got a very interesting email from a listener… She doesn’t want me to share her name but was comfortable with me sharing her email and is open to hearing your thoughts.
Here is her email:
Katie, I am in a confusing situation and I was hoping you could help me out. I have been having sex with this guy for 7 months. He has a girl friend and she knows about me…they have an open relationship. He is into doing a lot of things sexually that I don't do. I guess I would describe myself as sexually inexperienced. I have tried some new things with him and have been enjoying myself for the most part. But now he wants me to have sex with him and his friend. He keeps telling me that he just wants to show me new things. I told him that isn’t something I am into but he keeps bringing it up and regularly reminds me that his girlfriend would do it if he asked but he really wants to do it with me. I’m starting to have feelings for him and don't want to lose him. What do you think I should do?-Confused
This guy doesn’t care about you at all! First of all, you don’t need to be getting yourself involved in a situation with anyone who has a girlfriend. I don’t care if the girlfriend knows about you or not. You are complicating your life much more then you should be. Second, I don’t like that fact that this guy continues suggesting you hook up with both he and his friend after you told him you’re not into it. And the fact that he keeps reminding you that his girlfriend would do it is manipulation. He is fully aware that you are falling for him and wants you to compete with her. Who does he think he is? What makes him such a catch?! Finally, if you are sexually inexperienced (as you said)… just slow down. You have all the time in the world to find yourself sexually but if your gut is telling you that you aren’t comfortable hooking up with two dudes, THEN DON’T DO IT! Especially to please a guy. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life and this guy will be a distant memory within a month!!! Move on. Find a guy that wants you to be comfortable and happy.
I think that Katie is right. If confused is uncomfortable with the whole threesome thing, I think that if she wants to say no, that she should. And if confused is enjoying sex, then that's good because it is healthy in some ways. The only problem is that if this guy is having sex with his girlfriend and confused, then this could lead to some feminine deseases, which can be very bad. I encourage her to make her own discisions and to not let her guy's persistance make the best of her. If she doesn't want to do it then she has every right to say NO. Lots of luck!
I totally agree with Katie. First of all, it seems like there are way too many people involved in this "relationship" (if that's what it is). There's a reason we call people who are in a relationship "a couple" (as in, two people, not 4+). Also, if he really cared for you, he wouldn't be consistently pushing you to do something you aren't comfortable with. It doesn't sound like he respects you at all. You can do a lot better than that.
Nice site, nice and easy on the eyes and great content too.
Think about what's going to happen when your feelings for him come on full force. What would you do about him already having a girlfriend. Are you going to break them up...then what would you do if he wanted an open relationship with you and other girl(s)? He's perfectly happy with the one he's with because she lets him do whatever he wants. And he knows that if you don't do it he can get someone else (his girlfriend for instince) to do what he wants...leave him, FAST!!!
I'm married, love my wife. Respect my wife. He's not asking you to try something new with him, he's asking to share you with a friend. A personal conquest, are you a toy? NO. You are a real person playing with what could be very dangerous to you now and for your future. Please respect yourself and your dreams for the future.
Aids and other sexually transmitted diseases are REAL. You guy obviously is immature and does not care for his own safety let alone yours. Recognize these things, it maybe difficult, think about your future and all the wonderful experiences you WILL have. Erring that special person and recognizing your dreams together... You have everything in front of yourself don't be victim to possible STD, someone elses fantasy you have no interest in or plain old...don't be used.
This guy is just out for a short lived good time. Trust your senses. Wish you a bright, wonderful life.
katie is awesome!
katie is awesome!She is soo nice to people and funny!I hope the world treats people like she does...cool chick.
Katiek Wake Up Call
You guys thats so nice! You're comments totally made my day! -Katie