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Gavin Grades The Movies


There's no other movie star out there that looks better all beat up than Bruce Willis.  I think every movie he's ever been in, he's beat to hell by the end of it and still looks great.  Unfortunately for this movie, that might be the highlight of the film.  (That and seeing how fat the guy (Devin Ratray) who played Buzz in "Home Alone" has gotten.  He plays a long, haired FBI surveillance guy in "Surrogates.")  The story centers around humans using surrogate robots that go out in any form you want and live your life for you while you stay at home controlling them.  The problem with that is everyone uses absolutely gorgeous models for their robots, which means they needed a cast of absolutely gorgeous people, which also means you now have a cast of good looking people who can't act.  Even the performances from such veterans as Ving Rhames ("Pulp Fiction," "Dawn of the Dead") and James Cromwell ("W," "i-Robot") were terrible.  But I've seen bad action movies before that had awful stories and cheesy dialogue that starred Bruce Willis, but the man always seemed to make it work.  But his apathetic meandering through this movie made it stink so bad, I'm pretty sure he only did it for the paycheck.  Even the special effects weren't that great.  If you're a sci-fi movie that deals with robots and action you gotta make sure you hit the nail on the head.  Some of the action sequences (which were few and far between) looked like they were made on a teenager's iMac for a YouTube video.  The story was fine and was really the only saving grace, but the movie deserves none of that credit since it was based on a graphic novel.  The script was written by the team responsible for the last two Terminator movies and "Catwoman."  Ugh!  Who keeps giving these guys jobs?  However I was shocked to learn that they also wrote the David Fincher classic "The Game," so maybe that's why.  Hollywood's hoping for that level of genius again.  But this sure as hell wasn't it.  There was zero character motivation and drama that was shoehorned in with embarrassing results.  Leading all the way to the climax of the film which is so visually hilarious that those people left in the theater (yes, people were walking out) were cracking up, which was really not the intention of the scene.  Sadly you'd think that someone working on the film would've understood the story and applied the message to the movie itself.  No matter how shiny, beautiful and well-packaged something is, it doesn't mean there's a soul or substance behind it. Surrogates (Rated PG-13) Gavin Grade: D


09/24/2009 6:23PM
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09/24/2009 6:35PM
thanx dude. this looked like warm dogshit during the trailer anyway. story seemed interesting...sort of a "now humans control the matrix" thing so i was intrigued- but now for sure won't go. saving my brain for WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE!!!! aaahhhh!!! can't wait 10/16
09/25/2009 6:56AM
I agree Gavin. Lame movie. Wish I'd stayed home to watch Flash Forward.
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